Lady Lazurus, for the moment

What a damned day. My eyeballs are hot and scratchy from crying so much. I found a vet in town with a website that specifically cites doing home euthanizing and they are the same folks who have the only pet crematorium too (yeah, I know, convenient). I sent off an email and thought I'd not hear from them till tomorrow because of their office hours, but got a call almost right away, asking if it was a good time to talk. I had to say, yes. I have not come to the final decision, but want to have things in place for when it comes. Sarah has been incontinent the last couple of nights, which is another bad sign and is still just as crazy dizzy as can be. I cried and cried on the phone, while doing my best to keep it together and listening to the fella on the other end be understanding and telling me anecdotes about pets and then praising me for being diligent for Sarah dog for when the time comes. I thought I had a better handle on this, but was a puddle of salty water long after the phone call ended.

A couple of times this afternoon I ended up in the front yard dealing with folks about issues with a gravel problem I have...reason I bring this up is while out there, through an open living room window I could hear Sarah crying and crying for me, not barking but a sad whine. She doesn't cry when in pain or when she suddenly falls, but couldn't take me being away from her. This is new since she's been sick.

Now, I'm sitting here typing while Sarah doggy is going at a big ole rawhide bone like the beast woman she has always been. It has been WEEKS since she was able or up to chew on a bone. Last week, she tried once and was so unsteady she couldn't even grip it or get her mouth around it...now I'd not know she is sick from the teeth grinding sound effects and vigor that she is showing.

Maybe my phone conversation with the pet assassin has got her thinking about a come back? It was worth the stress if that's the case. Heck, I'll start fake calling vets and having one-sided conversation with them about maybe putting my dog down. Yeah, that's the ticket...Of course, she is deaf, but that is beside the point.